How in the Wild West? Is he driving alone, making choices for himself, deciding where he has lunch without me? How did we even get here? ‘Apple of my eye’ is a euphemism often used for children…according to ChatGPT it means “a person you cherish deeply or someone very precious to you”…Sorry, robot, that doesn’t even begin to cover it.

From the time he was born, he’s been so much more than that. I’ve always said, “he’s his dad, but better” such a small piece of the puzzle. He’s so much his own person. Though he shares so many gifts with Paul. Some people come into your life and they anchor you. How often is that your own kid? I wish I could get an accurate poll but it feels extra rare and special.

He is so treasured, so much more than my kid. He’s my baby and simultaneously was born so wise, compassionate and supportive. He can be whoever he is, wherever he’s at but it does seem his natural incline is to just do what’s right, back the underdog, be in his own skin. I never want him to feel pressure around that, but it seems he is who he is and he adds so much to my life that I never take for granted.

Love you SoSo. You’re a gift from God. I’ll always be grateful and try so hard to be deserving.

It was mostly that it’s 💯 my love language, not that it’s what he’d ever want to do with his free time. But there are many aspects that speak to a lot of different feelings of a middle-aged woman. And in the midst of the realities of life and despite his visceral lack of interest, he sat down and watched and invested in this entirely ridiculous series about young love to connect with what was getting me through the decline and ultimately, departure of his Dad. Not because my obsession made any sense, but because it was a healthier obsession than so many others I could’ve been doing and he could see that it was strangely important to me.

I feel very lucky that 21yrs in, he does want to understand me and I AM a moving target. Even at the expense of his own brain cells. I’m a Lucky girl!

Put on your best Fall rolled collar sweater, it’s time to hang with your friends, Krissy!

Our time was markedly more frequent when the kids were little. We’d ditch them for carefree days/nights/weekends and now we’re all hanging on a little tighter to our big kids who have one foot out the door…but, I will never diminish the value of stealing away for oysters and laughs that make your eyes a little more wrinkly.

And we speak unspeakable things, and we know each other and each other’s kids…and each other’s husbands, all so well. And the amount of time and talking and wine, it’s never, never enough. Never.

Thank God for times and hoes like these.

Things got so crazy between summer and BTS, and all the other things. Now the leaves are changing but I want to take a moment for Summer 2025. Mostly just give it its due before it’s too far gone.

We spent what felt like a lifetime out of the country. So much is gained every time we take our kids international. They become more aware of life outside themselves and their routine, whenever we venture beyond the borders. It’s good since teenagers are unintentionally so narcissistic. They have family in the furthest nooks and crannies and it’s important for them to know more deeply who they are. And then to our home-away-from-home in Italy, which I think is far homier to me and the kids than Paul…I feel a country of origin debate coming on…is it your bloodline or the place that’s in your ❤️? Apart from the spiders, it’s my heaven.

We put a pin in Summer with my least favorite/their most favorite trip. A long weekend in an ashtray. I try to find my joy in Moses Lake sunsets and solo rides. Bye, sweet Summer. Hello, Fall.

“Nothing changes but the seasons.” ~ Beautiful Girls

The wildest and least anticipated time in adulthood and parenting is Sandwich Generation…without a doubt. With all the surprises and Easter eggs of motherhood, nothing can prepare you for parenting up/down at the same time. In early motherhood, there’s so much advice, so much you ignore out of naïveté, that you come to regret… But the one untouched area of advice, the black hole is being caught between parenting kids + your parents aging out.

Like a moron, I felt torn in two directions between my two children, and then trying to maintain a connection with my spouse, but I had no idea what was coming … that shit feels like child’s play. 

As an illustration, this week alone, one close family member was diagnosed with dementia, one was hospitalized with two kinds of pneumonia, and both of my kids are sick. I don’t think enough credit is given to how much it pushes human limits to try to be there for both. Obviously, you can’t be all things to people, but you can’t be anyone to any of the people when you feel so completely torn between priorities and you don’t wanna be a baby, but you can’t be the hero to anyone when you’re trying to do all of this stuff.

Man, I wished I’d appreciated the truly carefree times that preceded this season. If only someone would’ve red-flagged this shit. 

  The sun is out and it’s warming up and I’m reminded of the upside of a dead-end. Bikes, the park that borders our street, sunnies, friends within walking distance. A six-year-old safely taking the lead while I walk behind. The burbs. A harsh winter makes way for everything I love. 

Still sweet, still willing to cuddle but different, sadly. Older. Outside of my care for long stretches, five days a week and learning things, seeing things, I can’t control. I pull him into our bed once in awhile. I dreamt of the day he’d sleep all night on his own regularly. I got what I wished for and now I’d undo it in a heartbeat. I love him so much and he’s got to change and grow but this birthday is bittersweet. Stay little, Soren.

How did we get here? A Summer full of change winds down as a Fall full of change gears up, and the panic inside of me wells.

No ordinary “back to (pre) school”. This is the big leagues. In a week , I’m putting my son on a yellow bus and sending him into the world and on the inside, I’m dying a little every hour that passes.

There’s been no shortage of tears, no shortage of terror and panic and tears again. The world is about to get ahold of one of my most beloved and prized treasures and I know without a shadow of a doubt, the world doesn’t always treasure treasures. The other day, he said to me (about something, I can’t remember what), “it’s all good, mom. I got this”….so he’s probably ready. While I am not. My control over his exposure is about to be ripped away and I have no choice but to trust God.

 I’m rushing to educate him on pokemon and doing wiki searches on minecraft so that my overprotectiveness so far won’t be AS evident. There’s no cliff’s notes on the core interests of 6 year old boys. I just want him to be himself. I just want him to be accepted. I want both for him. I feel utterly bipolar.

I can only say 90% I’ve done my best/10% I’ve really bombed. And I hope and pray it’s enough that he’ll be himself and make good choices and tell the truth and be a good friend.

But if I’m projecting all my fears, and completely crazy on the inside, the outside is holding strong. Thank God that somehow, for the first time in my time as a mom, I swear I’m playing it cool…and about something apocalyptic to my world. It’s about to get rocked. School House Rocked.

Lots of questions lately about mom&dad, dating, boyfriends/girlfriends and love. In the spirit of documenting wisdom for future ref:

Soren & Frances,

RE: First Love

• May the playlist** be dope
• May the burgers be Dick’s
• May it involve snow days
• May the kisses be ah-mazing
• May the fights be epic
• May the experience be formative
• May the lessons be valuable
• May the person be trusted
• May they not be cruel
• May it make you better, smarter, stronger, wiser
• May they inspire you to learn
• May you/they know your value
• May you give no more or less than you can live with
• May you get your heart broken
• May they be you first but not your last
• May you save your best for your last
• May you smile when you think of it
• May it make you a mom and dad that understand about first loves

And may I be a cool mom who remembers those days and can help you through heartbreak, prom pics and mixed tapes.

**First Love Playlist:
Waiting for the Day – George Michael
In your Eyes – Peter Gabriel
Behind the Wheel – Depeche Mode
We Belong – Pat Benetar
‘Round and ‘Round – Ratt
Set Adrift on Memory Bliss – P.M. Dawn
No Ordinary Love – Sade
Freedom ’90 – George Michael

Last Love Playlist:
Waiting in Vain – Annie Lennox
Straight Outta Compton – NWA
#1 Crush – Garbage
Strawberry Wine – Deana Carter
Today was a good day – Ice Cube
Daft Punk Is Playing In My House – LCD Soundsystem
One Big Holiday – My Morning Jacket
Hey Ya! – Outkast
Bucky Done Gun – M.I.A.
Freedom ’90 – George Michael