The combination of stay-at-home mom and family vacation is a sham. In actuality, I am required to do my usual job under tougher circumstances and without the tools, toys and comforts I would ordinarily have. It’s like a survivor challenge. Or an episode of MacGyver.

We recently returned from a family vacation to Whistler, B.C.. A ski trip for my husband, an avid skier with a dream of having a skiing family. In other words, not an optional hobby for my kids and not an optional vacation unless you want to see the saddest Sad Faced Paul ever.

The challenges presented on the trip?

How do you manage a one-year-old in a total party condo from the 80’s (think “Hot Tub Time Machine”) with nothing child friendly about it? The answer is wine.

How do you, your husband and your three-year-old sleep in a queen size bed with your one-year-old in a pack-n-play, all in the same room with different bed times? The answer is wine. Just kidding. The answer is the threat of bodily harm if everyone is not silent.

How do you manage your toddler without any toys or entertainment? Because you forgot…to bring ANYTHING for him (in addition to your own shampoo, razor and underpants). The answer is your intention of “quality family time” without “screen time” goes out the window…and your hair is nasty, your legs are hairy and you hand-wash your panties for seven days.

With the pièce de résistance being the panic attack you have at the end of the trip when you realize that the dirty laundry from the trip and the disorganization of the packing out might send you over the edge when your husband returns to work the next day and you’re left with a mountain of work more disorganized than any ordinary non-“vacation” day, oh AND the Bermuda Triangle of your socks’ little partners.

I hope when my kids are adults, they will want to come on vacation with us. Presumably by then, they will be potty trained and I won’t need outlet covers which will be a little more relaxing. Until then, I take a lot of pictures because if my Mom is right (and she’s always right), I won’t remember it was hard, I’ll just wish I could go back.